I annoy people, period

I’m really glad I made the decision to privatise my blog – now I can truly write without censorship of any form. See how I even pander to other people when I write? This is going to change.

I have a feeling I’ve annoyed many people, or rather everyone who is (sadly) acquainted to me at one point in their lives, even my closest friends J and M. In close inspection, I think these are among the many factors. I’ll elaborate on each and everyone of them shortly:

1. My damn persistence

2. My damn excitement of things I like, and because I treat everyone as my friends and my loved ones, I share my excitement with them… but it always backfires.

3.  My damn long-windedness

4. My damn (failed) attempts to be kind – people think they’re smothering.

5. My damn antics – my stuttering and stammering, my clumsiness, my unlady-likeness. Essentially everything I do.

Let’s talk about 1.

Yes, I have the tendency to ask “Are you sure you don’t want to _____?” or “But really, it’s very nice, there I can show it to you.” etc etc. Yes I admit this gets annoying, but I can’t help but feel  a tad wounded whenever people show their annoyance, implicitly or explicitly. Do know that I’m not trying to kill you guys with my persistence, it’s all out of good intentions!

2. My excitement, or rather, over-excitement. I’m already so bitter, angry, frustrated and depressed about so many things, can’t I be afforded some luxury to be… excited about something? I contain so much of my emotions I find it hard to sleep at night sometimes, plus I don’t usually tell people how I feel. I don’t tell people I’m frustrated at them, or angry etc for fear that they’ll shun me further, but I thought excitement was OK, I thought expressing excitement won’t make people get annoyed by you, I thought sharing one’s excitement about something to someone is one way of showing that you care about that someone because you only share happiness with people you love right? No, apparently not. I’m going to work on this. I’ll try and tone my excitement about things down, not to the point of being deadpan about everything, but I’ll try, whatever it takes to please everyone right?

3. I’ve got a speech problem. I don’t talk as clearly as everyone else. I actually am jealous of people who can speak eloquently and above all, succinctly. This has happened so many times in the past, in the near or distant past, and many people have the same opinion. Let me clarify: the reason I get long-winded about things, the reason I nag is because I don’t talk as clearly. And because I actually care whether people get what I’m trying to convey, I repeat what I say, for fear that I might have missed out something important that the other person should know due to my deplorable speaking ability. I have no idea how I can change this, go for speech therapy? LOL.

4. I think I was perfectly clear already – I’m on the road to being succinct, yay~

5. I get annoyed by my own antics too, so I can’t imagine how people won’t.

Feels so good to have let all that out.


This is for you

I know this is quite out of the blue, but I would just like to apologise to anyone of you whom I might have offended due to my lack of tact or my negligence to certain details, feelings and the like. You guys have to know that I had never wanted to deliberately ill-treat anyone, or to have any bad intentions. Know that sometimes I tend to get too caught up by whatever I’m trying to achieve, whatever I feel compelled to achieve that I overlook the fact that I don’t live alone – I co-exist with other people.  I’ve always thought that I was  quite selfless, but really, in hindsight, I can be quite selfish, without knowing it myself. Or maybe I do, I just refuse to admit it.  Know that I will do whatever it takes within my power and to the best of my abilities to make up for all the wrongs that I’ve done, and know that you can always talk to me about them. Know that you can choose not to forgive me, but know that I hope you would give me a chance to make amends. It’s strange isn’t it, that we only know where we’ve gone wrong in hindsight, when sometimes, amends simply would not suffice. But do know that even if you do not want to have any more interactions or connections with me, you’ll still be my friend, and I’ll be looking out for you, even if you can’t see me, even if you choose not to see me, I’ll be there.