Inadequacy and having faith

Today during prayer group, S talked about how Moses had felt inadequate when God asked him to help the Israelites and the number of times he had turned God’s request down because he thought he was not up for the job, but above all, he didn’t think he deserved to be assigned the task because he had killed someone – he couldn’t let go of his past. However, he was given a helping hand in the form of Aaron and the strength required to complete said task.

I felt a strong sense of enlightenment after hearing the story; it really opened my eyes to many things – the tasks I’d turned down simply because I wasn’t confident enough at the time, the tasks I’d declined to undertake simply because of fear – above all, fear of failure, fear of how people would view me. There were so many things that I’d wanted to do, but I just couldn’t muster the courage to close my eyes and take the plunge. The story of the splitting of the red sea taught me something too, that nothing will happen if you’re unwilling to take even the first step. The sea wouldn’t have split if Moses had not taken that very small but nonetheless, crucial step.

I’ve never once felt that I was good enough for anything, simply because I’m constantly surrounded by people who’re better than me by a far distance, objectively or subjectively. S did say this on Friday, that we’re all imperfect, but as long as we’re perfect in the eyes of God, that’s what matters.

To be perfectly honest, I never used to give much thought about the significant impacts of religion, or faith, simply because I thought both didn’t really matter. I’ve always believed in relying on my own being and my own thoughts to survive, not on any intangible entity whose existence is yet to be proven. Or maybe it’s not meant to be proven after all? That aside, now I understand why faith is so important. At times of gripping anxiety, distress, fear, insecurity, irrational fury, loss and grief, what better to cling whatever that’s left of you, whatever that’s left unscathed than on faith, pure and unadulterated faith. Some people think it’s an act of folly to believe that one can gain strength through his or her toughest times by placing his or her faith in an unknown, in the unknown. Really, does that unknown have to be known? We all have our own way of coping with our difficulties, of going through the daunting periods in our lives, but I say, and this is just my very humble two cents, that people who have faith in others, be it in God, their family members, their friends, their teachers, and who derive strength and hope from them are people who can take challenges in their stride far better than those who live in isolation, who solely believe in their own capabilities.

There comes a point in life when you will realise that the world is not solely your battleground, and life is not a battle you win or lose alone. It’s not even a battle to start with, really. Learn to embrace everyone as friends and most importantly, learn to love. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that the world is against you, and that you should be ever ready and on the go to fight the world should the need arises. Learn to have faith in others, and put yourselves in their positions. They’re fighting their own battles too. While some are fortunate enough to have the courage to open themselves up to others, inviting other comrades into the frontline, some have to face their lonely battles. These people won’t open up to you, and they probably never will, but do know that even though they don’t need extra artillery or ammunition, or comrades who will stand hand in hand with them to win their battles, they still need supporters at the side, cheering them on. These supporters need not know the detailed bits of the battle plan, in fact they need not know anything about the troubles they’re going through – they just need to be there for a lonely spirit, and that would more than suffice.

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