i was feeling so languish the whole morning. i woke up at 930am and started browsing through facebook. didn’t really see anything particularly interesting on facebook save for a ‘freemalaysiatoday’ news article about najib’s announcement of the dissolution of parliament for the 13th GE (what better time to announce it than on april fools’, hmm…) i’m not feeling really happy about having to spend april fools’ on a past paper frenzy – i’d rather spend it at school pulling pranks on people (but really, do you take me as someone who derives pleasure from this, do you?? :p ) or being pranked on (but i have my fair share of this on a daily basis since i’m so gullible but i’ll take this anytime – well in comparison to having to be subjected to the monotonous routine of doing past papers)
okay just realised how off topic i am right now. anyways, yeah back to the fact that i’d been feeling so languish in the morning. so after having breakfast (which was more like brunch to me given the time i had it), i sat myself down, opened my laptop and started reading thought catalog articles. some were thought-provoking, some were meh-ish i suppose, because i couldn’t relate to some of the things mentioned. and then i went and wash my face, as per usual when i’m feeling languish or fatigued. and then voila, that vigour to just immerse myself in past papers came back. and i was like: yay?
come to think of it, it really is pathetic to be ‘excited’ about having regained that vigour to go through the mundane routine of doing past papers. i know i cannot afford to slack, given that i only have limited time left, with such sky-high expectations imposed to me (by myself might i add). i went to mph yesterday, got myself a new scientist magazine, found myself a cozy armchair to sit on and just delved into this amazing yet mind-boggling realm called science. it was such a foreign feeling to be reading something (tangibly) non-academic, but it was a feeling i welcomed with open arms. it was a very brief adventure (10 or so minutes?), but it was fulfilling to the mind and the heart (and my sanity) anyway. and then i went back home to do more past papers, but feeling more energized this time.
i still remember when i was still in primary school, i had to be coaxed with superficial material things to sit down and study, okay maybe not exactly material, more like computer and tv time, they’re superficial nonetheless. now i just need some time off to do something i like, to take a breather in doing something that is fulfilling to me to have that motivation to do work. my maths teacher in fifth form said to us this one day “you have to do the little, petty things you don’t like in order to do the greater things you want to do” it’s so simple and straightforward and it especially rings true in my current context. now it’s just doing past papers that i’m finding mundane, in the future, it’d be the cleaning of test tubes, the maintenance of other lab equipment, and filing (this is in every job i know). but once the right reason to live, to really live surfaces, you’ll never feel the same.