it just occurred to me that i always pander to everyone’s wants and needs without thinking about my own. i’m finding it too hard to please everyone now. from now on, i shall put my own priorities first. maybe i’ll be happier that way. i think i’ve been living in the illusion that i’m happy when other people are happy – it’s a false impression. it gets agonizing sometimes. this is what illusion does to you, it blinds your perception towards feelings. nothing is unconditional i realize – you’ll always want some form of reciprocation, deep down. no matter how much you want to delude yourself that it doesn’t matter, it does. and it agonizes.