you know there comes a point, a day when you just don’t feel like doing anything at all even though current circumstances cannot afford you this luxury, today is the day. just took an hour-long nap – still not refreshed enough to do anything. i’ll probably just work on some fm questions and turn in earlier. probably waking up 5am to do the remainder of my revision, which is now in dire need of my attention.
don’t get me wrong, i’m not stressed out, i’m just tired of having to do the same, monotonous thing every single day but not yielding much of a positive result, or at least a result my low expectations are hoping for.
this is going to deviate slightly from the original topic, but sometimes i don’t know what i’m trying to achieve, or rather who i’m trying to please by doing all of this. sometimes i think too much about what others’ think of me – which in turn affects how i think of myself. i pander to people a lot – i try to please others, thinking that if i do that, i’d please myself too. probably this is true, probably i live by this, i can never tell whether i’m truly happy, or is it some sort of “induced happiness”, something artificially created? an illusion?